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| Start of relationships with Tunisians | |||||||||
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| Traditionally,
relationships begin in Tunisia, when a tunisian
man notices a tunisian
woman whom he
likes or when a tunisian woman is being recommended to him by his
friends or tunisian family. He will then, accompanied by members of his family (eg. the father) visit the parents of the woman and applies for a marriage. If her father did not immediately reject this request, he will then talk with the daughter (in some cases, the daughter even doesn't know the applicant yet). In Tunisia, women are not obliged to follow the wish or suggestion of her fathers, so there are no "forced marriages" in Tunisia. If the two future spouses and their parents agree, then the next step is an official engagement, in which the man usually gives gifts and jewelry (ring and chain) of gold to the fiance. Only from this point on, the man and the woman are allowed to meet officially, but only under the supervision of a family member. After a more or less long period of engagement, in which the two meet and get known to each other, the wedding will take place. Of course, times are changing, even in Tunisia, and so today boys and girls meet as well in schools or on the street, in modern regions also in mixed cafes, in which men and women are allowed to enter. In many cases, couples meet also "secretly" and in numerous cases, they also will have sexual intercourse. After a while, the man will, in the traditional way, address the father of the woman ... or he will not do that at all, if he considered the affair to be just a matter of fun. In fact, the latter happens quite often and the men take here advantage of the naiveity of many young tunisian girls.
In most cases, it looks quite differently, when Tunisian men start relationships with European women. Here, the first contacts are made in public, the man will not even make the attempt to talk to the parents of the woman and will invite her after a few days already to his family. In most cases, even sexual contacts and overnight stays take place, sometimes even in the home of the family of the man. All this is, to the highest degree, contrary to the Tunisian tradition and culture - which means nothing else than that in most cases, such a relationship is not considered to be "honorable" and serious, but that there are other motives. And this is well known to every tunisian, although hardly anyone will talk about it. These other motives are, in almost all cases, sex, free and easy to obtain, and the hope for financial benefits and for a visa to Europe. In all fairness, it must be said that a Tunisian man will not always consider such a relationship in every case being an unilateral profit or exploit (aka. Bezness) - rather, he usually assumes that his manhood ("strong, true man") alone is an adequate compensation for the benefits that he hopes to enjoy - it sounds bizarre, but that is how it is. Amongst many tunisian men there is the firm conviction that European men are "cold" (because they do not feel the urge to have immediate sex when something excites them) and the women, therefore, primarily like Tunisian men who are "always ready". Secretly, there are even talks that entering into a relationship with women with disabilities and who are much older is being considered a "service" for the woman, which shall result in benefits for the man. Nobody should delude oneself - women, who are not chased by men in other countries who are 10, 20 and more years younger, will not seriously be chased in Tunisia either. And if they are, then the only reason is, because the men expect it to be advantageous for them, and, in their way of thinking, as well for the woman. A marriage is, according to the islamic law, foremost a contract of business - nothing more and nothing less, and that's the way, how it has been in wide parts of Europe just 200 years ago as well. If this is clear to both parties, when they enter a relationship, then there is no problem, because then each party knows what they are getting involved in and what price they will have to pay. But those who make the mistake of believing in the romantic infatuation of "greatest love" with the Tunisian partner, they will pay for it sooner or later, in one way or another, and as sure as death follows life. |
First it must be noted, that, contrary to popular belief, not every Tunisian wants to leave Tunisia for another country at any costs. In most cases, the ones who want to leave the country come from lower social and financial backgrounds and have no higher education level or a respectable job and/or men who have family members living in Europe already. Namely, a Tunisian who has a good job and comes from a family with good status, which puts an emphasis on tradition, either has no desire to leave Tunisia - or, if he considers this, then he will try to do so by his own powers, but never with the help of a relationship with a "foreigner". Moreover, the work in the tourist industry, even if it is profitable for Tunisians, is socially not acceptable, so, apart from high income positions (eg. Manager, Director), one will only rarely find a Tunisian "of standing" as an animator, a waiter, salesman or towel delivery boy. These are all low qualification jobs, which are done in an environment contrary to traditional and religious beliefs (serving alcohol, viewing half-dressed women, etc.), and, in this context, not really the best pick for men or women - much less for women, even. Workers in the tourism industry are only there because it promises to yield an higher profit or because they have not found something otherwise - these professions are not loved "and dreamed of by anyone", and that goes for 99% of the total workforce there.
To come into contact with a European is not difficult, it is sufficient to talk to a tourist. The easiest way for that is, of course, a job in the tourism industry, especially in the animation field in the restaurants or hotels in Tunisia. But even if such a position can not be obtained, the odds are good to attract the attention on the street, in a shop, taxi or nightclub. In general, men target 3 groups in this order:
In the rarest cases, an european woman goes into holidays to Tunisia, to look for a serious love relationship.There are, of course, sex tourists, no questions about it, but since it is not a "love affair", we will here not go any deeper into that. In virtually all cases, the first step in a relationship is, therefore, made by a tunisian man. Except in rare cases, where shyness is used as a strategy (just "shy glances", start closer contacts only towards the end of vacation), the usual strategy is to try to talk to as many women as possible in order to find the ones worth an "intensive work". The preferred victims are women who have a predisposition to be a victim, because a low self-confidence can be noticed, hears and felt if someone is sensible and aware of it. On top of the list of the relationship caroussel are therefore women, who are divorced, are at an advanced age, are in an unhappy relationship, or have little experience in life. All these women are spotted accurately and will be quickly addressed. It is a further disadvantage for the women that they are being in an exceptional situation. Sun, sand and sea, an unusual and adventurous environment, strange voices, smells and sensations and the feeling of holiday atmosphere is confusing the senses and the mind. |
Which well established woman woman would really seriously consider to start a relationsship with the towel dispatcher 20 yours junior her age of a nearby lake resort in her home country? Which woman would give a mobile telephone to the waiter of a hotel nearby because he tell her that he got no money to buy one? Or even invite him into the discotheque and pay for him? Probably almost none - because here, the exotic and unknown atmosphere is missing, because the woman can assess exactly what is "right and proper" and what is a lie - in short, she knows the social norms and has a very good idea of financial and work conditions. About all this, however, she is is left in Tunisia completely in the dark. - In Europe, it is very common, to go out at night with a man to whom one is not married or who is family - in Tunisia, only prositutes do so (or Europeans, but they are often considered als without morale anyway). - In Europe, no one raises his eyebrows when an unmarried couple spends the night in an hotel or apartment - in Tunisia, again, the only women who do so, are prostitutes (and Europeans ...). - In Europe, it is normal that men and women pay separately or alternatively for each other when they go out - in Tunisia, people smile about the stupidity of European women who pay the bill for the man, because there, the man pays always, and with no ifs and buts. - If people marry in Europe, they live afterwards like they did before - in Tunisia, however, it is the duty of the husband to protect his wife, mentor and monitor her moral life, and, if necessary to correct it. - In Europe, people often complain about "social coldness" because people here are educated to self-reliance - in Tunisia, one feels like in paradise, because there all the families stick together so well. And that they do, but they also interfere in everything and a woman will find herself under a constant surveillance of family and friends. - While, in Europe, people always feel standing under "stress", live in Tunisia seems to be always very relaxed. And this is true - namely, if one is a wealth European. Because then they do not have to work a 50 - and 60-hour week, they even will have some money if they are out of a job, they do not have to show their passport to every second policeman and they do not really have to be careful to not do anything in public that could be considered immoral or unappropriate by any neighbor, family member or acquaintance, and which is being forwarded immediately. The European woman can eat, smoke and drink, what, where and with whom she wants to - and talk, in a relationship or marriage, even by telephone with persons of the opposite sex. Stress? In Tunisia? But no way... In short - the European woman has no idea what is normally going on in a country, where she stays just a limited time for her vacation, she does not know how people behave and how they think. Over time she will learn it, of course, usually from her lover, and of course exactly what she should learn in his opinion - and that is not necessarily the truth, at least not the whole truth. Therefore, with the launch of a relationship, the knowledge of the society and even the language have to go hand in hand - and not filtered and shielded by the lover, his friends and family, but realistically and in a dialogue with both sexes in Tunisia - only this way, the woman has the chance to assess realistically the ideas and social background of her partner. And that is very important, because after the wedding, nothing will be as it was before - then they live together either in Europe or in Tunisia, and in each case, one of them has, even after a long previous relationship, only very little idea of the reality of everydays life there. And in most cases, the partners even have no idea about the other, because the premarital temporary meetings in an holiday atmosphere constitute in no way a portion of how it will be when they will live constantly together, every day and arund the clock. Once again a reminder: The social background of both of them can not be more different - and the older someone is, the longer he has been socialized into "his/her" society, and the less likely it is that one can adapt to change quickly or at all. The expectation that a Tunisian, as soon as he arrives after the marriage in Europe, will behave all of a sudden like a European man, is totally unrealistic - in the same way as an European woman who moved to Tunisia will not fit right away into the society. | ||||||
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